Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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