Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
