i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
