im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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