I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't deserve a penis
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
