I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
