Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
