I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
is that a dick in a sweater?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
