Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
