my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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