they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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