I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I will be naked everywhere
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize