Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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