I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
