I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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