8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
