i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
