I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
