i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just cropdusted the office
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
