so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
send nudes
from the living room?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize