Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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