I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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