last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
