New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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