Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
