i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize