C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
