the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm both gender and math confused
So. Much. Porn.
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