Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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