just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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