everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize