I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
