i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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