The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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