So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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