I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
