Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
