Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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