So drunk its hurt
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
