Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
