it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
