I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
