Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
