i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
