Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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