if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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