i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
