What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
