so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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