Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
