Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
