im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
