Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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