I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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