Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize