And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
