I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
