Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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