I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
