I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
