after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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