my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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