there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't turn off my feet"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
