It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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