have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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