I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
