After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
