Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
