this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
