My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
