y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
