I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
