remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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